Posted in eavesdrop, Poetry, Uncategorized

things i learned during my undergrad

  1. Papaya salad is always delicious
  2. There are no good BBQ joints on any university campus north of Dallas.
  3. If a body part starts feeling itchy, you should always get it checked out, ALWAYS.
  4. I’ll never fit in with the “artsy kids.”
  5. There is no human way possible to attend a lecture at 9am and not look like you’re in a coma.
  6. You must keep your eyes on your bubble tea at all times.
  7. Define yourself and your brand from day one to avoid being ostracized by the cool kids (see bullet point #4).
  8. Elevators are a great place to mess around with your TA.
  9. Escalators are a great place to mess around with your prof.
  10. Messing around with your TA will substantially improve your marks.
  11. Fucking your teacher is a surefire way to fail a course (especially when they try to leave their partner for you).
  12. It is best to stand up in class, when asked to read a passage aloud.
  13. There’s no such thing frathouse sex parties.
  14. Everyone knows that the orgies are held at that one rich kid’s parents’ house in Kitsilano.
  15. The North American university system was designed to comprehensively fragment your mind into so many minute pieces, that you can only form coherent thoughts in the form of bulleted lists.

-05.17.18

Author:

Trying to find the right words.

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